No matter what your intentions are, it’s best not to date your managers or subordinates. Stay away from your boss and your direct reports For example, at Facebook and Google, you can only ask a coworker out once, and if the person says no or gives you an ambiguous response (“Sorry, I’m busy”) you’re not allowed to ask again. “The rules need to recognize the reality of the world and, when it comes to workplace relationships, we want to teach people principles for making good, adult decisions, not to legislate through punishment.” Rules are also evolving because of the #MeToo movement. “You ignore them at your peril.” If you’ve already violated a policy, she suggests you “come clean early” because “the longer you persist, the worse the consequences will be.” Markman says that he’s seen companies “ lifting those regulations in recent years both because they’re hard to enforce and they haven’t changed behavior.” For him, this is a positive. “Follow the rules and try to understand the reasons they’re in place,” Baker says. Many companies prohibit employees from dating coworkers, vendors, customers, or suppliers, or require specific disclosures, so be sure to investigate before you start a relationship. Having positive intentions at the start may also help guard against hurt feelings and misunderstandings should the romance eventually end. So, before you jump in, check your motives and consider how others will perceive them. On the other hand, “studies show that coworkers are generally positive if they perceive that you’re falling in love and genuinely care about each other,” she says. When they perceive you as having “ego motive” - seeking out the relationship to serve your own needs, whether it’s to get ahead in your company or for your own excitement - they will clearly think of you less favorably. Your coworkers’ reactions will reflect what they believe your motives to be, says Baker. If you’re aware of these risks and still want to move forward, research shows that your intentions matter. “Having a relationship with someone higher up in the organization can create an alternate explanation for why you’re succeeding,” says Markman. “Your professionalism may be called into question,” says Baker, “especially if people don’t see your motives for entering the relationship as positive.” Some colleagues may think you’re giving your romantic partner preferential treatment or vice versa. If you’re dating your teammate, do you put the team’s or the individual’s interests first? There are also reputational risks. Obviously, the same rule doesn’t apply between coworkers - many people are close friends with colleagues, for example - but “having multiple relationships with someone creates potential conflicts of interest that can be hard to resolve,” he explains.
#I dont know whats keeping me going professional
Markman references the dual relationship principle, an “ironclad rule” in psychotherapy that therapists cannot have any relationships with patients beyond their professional one. There are also potential conflicts of interest. Of course, there’s the chance that the relationship won’t work out and that there will be hurt feelings on one or both sides. Here are some things to think about.īefore you act on your feelings, it’s important to think through the risks - and there are quite a few. If you’ve become romantically interested in a colleague, proceed carefully. And “the more familiar you are with the person, the more likely it is that you’ll become attracted to one another,” she says. Research shows that we also tend to fall for people who are similar to ourselves, says Amy Nicole Baker, an associate professor of psychology at University of New Haven and author of several papers on workplace romance. “You spend a tremendous amount of time at work and, if you put people in close proximity, working together, having open, vulnerable conversations, there’s a good chance there are going to be romantic relationships,” he says. There are perfectly good reasons why coworkers fall for one another, says Art Markman, a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin. So what if you and a colleague have been flirting and might want to explore a relationship? Should you steer clear? Should what’s right from a professional perspective override what’s best for your personal life? Some companies even have explicit policies against it. Lots of people meet their partners at work, and yet dating someone in the office is often frowned upon.
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